I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
