in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
