I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
