the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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