He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize