oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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