I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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