when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize