i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
