I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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