Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
