Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
