we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
