if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it was like eating out sand paper
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
