I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Text me some of your sweat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
