i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
