no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
