I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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