So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
