I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize