sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
