Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
