big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
