I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
