I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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