you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
