Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
