someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
