Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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