Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
