After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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