I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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