Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
