Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
