I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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