If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
