he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
