I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
