I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
