Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
