who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize