And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize