it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
