is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
