remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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