so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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