You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
