i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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