The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
