why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize