just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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