Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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