these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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