dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
