everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
