Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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