and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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