Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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