I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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