I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
