If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize