do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
