How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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