I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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