i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
