i think my tv is drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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