I have demons in me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
