It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
