Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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