A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
