Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
