If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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