I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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