your parents love me but you hate me
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and she was petting her beer can
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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