Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
