That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
operation harelip BJ is a go
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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