in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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