Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
