hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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