Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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