very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
