So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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