Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
