Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
