did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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