Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
