You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
