Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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