the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
