He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
