I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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